Completed one more year of existence

Year by year I've lived this life in this world. If this world has given me pain then I cannot forget that it has also give me a lot of happiness as well. If I have cried then I've laughed too. If I was broken then I was made newly too (couldn't find more suitable word against BROKEN! :-P)
If I was put to test, I was comforted too.
Life has always been balanced... (now you're realising?! To be true YES! :-D)

Haan... only fact is many times I've only considered that darker side of it (life) only, I regarded pains more, I acknowledged sorrows but I've learnt now that pain and harsh realities teach you to be strong in all conditions. And life is never full of sorrows as well until you recognise the brighter side.

Learning... Learning to live with each passing second of existence. If good experiences teach what it should be like, baad also tells what it shouldn't be like.

I am happy and learning to be contended with all I have and hoping to get what I want, more of trying to make myself deserve what I desire and not forgetting to accept what I deserve and not doubt what I desire is what I deserve.

I'm very much thankful to almighty God for giving me an opportunity to live freely and safely, to live a normal life, to smile, to learn, to meet new people, to be able to read, to know to write, to do work, to be able to respect others and live life happily.

Gosh! I've so many things to say.

P. S.: all above was written by me during exams and had many more things to write when I suddenly remembered that I have to study too and left it there.
Posting now though, but feelings are still same. Thrilled and Thankful! :-)

First first...

This is something unique and new... There is always first, as they say... This is for first time for me too!
Actually, I never celebrated my birthday publicly, it never came during school days or college days (though there are possibilities that I didn't went to college, even if it would have come! :-P), nor when I was at office (was on audits most of the time...) and rarest rarely it once happened that it was on day I had lecture at class, back in 2009 I guess! I was literally not interested in going to class. I felt shy! Yeah, I can too be shy sometimes! ;-) :-P but I went and felt very embarrassing too when people wished me, though I wished no one would have!
I can only accept my family and friends to wish me, coz I feel that it matters to them at some level that I'm in their life. Rest, other world, just coz they come to know about it and wish me, I don't find any sense!?
May be because of this pattern, I never liked accepting the fact that today of my birthday. I never go and tell anyone that, "Hey, you know what!? TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!" I never did that. In fact round about I feel no one should know it's my birthday. I know it's damn strange but I feel awkward, I don't know what to say or how to react when someone whom I don't expect to wish me, wishes me?!
I mean it's good that it's my birthday but what is so much special in it, I feel. I just want this day to be normal, like any other day. I just want to be with family and close friends. Before I didn't had this much acceptance too but now over the years I've learnt to accept it that it cannot be completely normal day. My Mom asks me what special I want to eat and they make me that, I brothers plan something surprising, my friends too come to my place and unexpectedly looking them I feel good. This much of celebration is quite enough for me. Before I even felt shy to cut cake, now I do it normally...
My Family wishes me sharp at 12am, if by any chance I'm asleep I'm woken up and wished. My best friends too call on 12, all are KUMBHAKARAN's still wake up till 12am and take efforts (or purposely to trouble me! :-P) call me or text me. My cousins also call at 12am. God! Next day I even forget whether the B'day is over yesterday night itself or still remaining! Ha ha ha... :-D
Before I had hidden my birthday date from social networking sites too. But now I keep it visible (don't faint, it's true! :-P) I also reply thanks to all those who wish me. Now I have gathered this much of acceptance...
But this year it's most unique than any other year it could be. My birthday on the EXAM day! Wow I'm so damn EXCITED! :-\ LOL... I have EXAM on the very day! Wow...

I want to switch off my mobile phone. But that would be so RUDE of ME! :O :-\ I know... I know... But I don't know what to do... Obviously no time to feel any special about this day, as I like.
But then others do feel it to be special and I respect that they love me for whatever and whoever I'm!
Just want to thank all those people who take efforts and remember me and my existence in this world!
I wish over the years I too accept it as a special day and learn to react normally how other people do.

PS: Best part is I'm not at office. They cut cake and ask to distribute chocolates to each and every colleague. This is beyond my imagination. I would have bunk office had I had it on the day, I'm sure! :-P
It is so embarrassing... :-D I never did that ever in my life (till now) ;-)
I'm MAD! I know...

One thing I do normally is I  accept GIFTS from anyone happily, for IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! :-)

Challenges of life

Being faced by challenges, you do doubt whether you'll be able to do it or not! That too if you have time shorter than you expect then the target seems more difficult to be achieved. Somehow you still boost your confidence. There comes the worst part, when almost everyone around you point out at you and say, DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DO IT?
After listening this my blood boils and all my energies comes to one place and it can only see ONE GOAL and it cannot think about anything else but only and only about my dreams and goals which I have to achieve. Coz all those interrogations prove that this is what the world can do to you! PULL YOU DOWN, DOUBT ON YOU! But you have to decide whether you want to fall or RISE, whether to give up or TRY?
You cannot loose the battle until and unless it begins. And my battle has not yet begin.
New CHALLENGES are acceptable to ME and I will soon prove everyone that it might sound difficult but it is definitely not IMPOSSIBLE.

"I MIGHT NOT WIN IMMEDIATELY BUT I'LL WIN DEFINITELY!" :-|

You'll not be killed

When you are in complete mess and have no idea of what you're doing and what's going on with you, around you! Only one person, you know, can take you otta the mess but then the fear of facing the person with this situation in none less than an encounter with a wild animal but... But somehow the feeling creeps in that somehow you want to be otta this mess, no matter what! And you gather all courage in you, aaj main solution nikal ke rahungi, and head ahead to get things sorted out. Coz dying once is better than dying each moment everyday! And you think, worst to worst case you'll have to listen harsh words! You'll not be killed... Phew!!!! This realisation is awesome... You will not be killed... Coz as a human being the worst fear for us is of losing this life... Hmmm... And no encounter with your boss could be life threatening! :-P ;-)
So, keeping aside my self respect, I went to the boss! After few harsh words, though less than what I had imagined, finally problem got solved!
Gosh! It's over forever...
Sometimes we imagine things to be like a mountain though they turn out to be just a big stone... :-)
Hence, never fear of anyone and take the step towards truth and courage... :-)

Keep it UP!

You can live happily only till you can, yourself, find the reasons to be happy. Life do bring you under tough situations, sometimes beyond your imagination but true living is you fight back and continue to dream best for yourself.
Darkness does cover the earth but never forget that stars shine in the darkness only.

Inspiration seek from others might get exhausted at some point of time. Being your own inspiration, life will keep moving forever till you could know main means to live.

The lesser you expect from life, the happier you'll be with whatever it offers to you! :-)

No matter what we have to face all situations, then why not face it smilingly?! :-D

B +ve

Day before yesterday, the news broke to me when I visited www.icai.org that CA final results are on 15th January, 2014. Indeed I was in shock, for expected date was around 20th Jan. Just 5 days remaining for the verdict, I counted!
I didn't purposely think about it but still my subconscious was processing something. It took toll on me and my head started aching and I started feeling sick. I felt depressed. Didn't talk to anyone for 2 days, did not message anyone, didn't eat properly, didn't watch my favourite TV show which I never miss, didn't talk on phone, didn't go to walk, didn't go out with friends, didn't listened any song, didn't watch any movie. I hated everything around me. I wanted to be alone.
When in depression, I don't know about others, but usually I feel very sick and sleepy. I literally sleep days and nights together. My family is now use to with this behavior of mine. Two days everyone entertained my strange behavior and along with them I too worried how days will pass by like this?
Today morning I woke up at 8! I missed my morning walk like past 2 days. I didn't do breakfast. I got news that our maid will not be coming, so I had to help Mom with cleaning thing. I decided to complete work early in morning. Thankfully my headache was gone, after all I slept for 2days and nights. I worked and worked. I cleaned everything and every corner of house. I did extra cleaning too, I washed all clothes, I cleaned cabinets, I dusted all furniture, I cleaned windows, etc...
In the end I was tired and decided to eat something. Mom was impressed by my work and she blessed me that may I get positive result this time and I become CA! And I told Mom, that indeed I am going to clear it this time and that is why I worked so hard today coz after I become CA I'll be too busy with my job that I might not find time to help you at household chores.

Mom smiled at me. :-)

Suddenly all anxiety and nervousness ceased and I told to myself that I have to keep my positivity intact. I had kept myself positive in so tough times, during my studies and exams too but real test is now. I've to keep myself positive and hence each second I've to think positively and have confidence in myself and faith in GOD!

Now I'm no more tense about what'll happen and what not. All I know is, it'll happen best way for me...
Like always, this time too, there is best in stores for me! :-)

Heavy breathe...

Today when I was just thinking, I felt that how restricted my vision was in past and it still is, even now! Not that am not happy with what I did or doing but still I must admit I never thought out-of-the-box, ever! I always considered having an academic life, hardly showed any interest in extra-curriculum, hardly participated in annual functions during schools, in fact never attended one post 5th std, never believed into making carrier in sports, acting, writing, social or civil services, etc. Never... Not that by birth I wanted to be CA, but I knew it's a reputed and secure carrier option and hence always preferred it and loved it and still proud of it too! One thing is sure that it takes guts to chose a carrier in fields of media, publishing, social services, army, entertainment or even homemaker, many more... (for time being can remember only these)
I salute all those people who could ever listen to their inner voice, who could know what they have to do in life, who know what they want from life, who could focus on their core interest and believe into their dream, who could make their dream come true, who have strength to flow against the current, who decide to make their own path, who does what they feel like doing what makes them happy...
They are the ones living their life with worth and their life is worth living too!

Grudge and regret you do sometimes have in your heart, if not always for others but sometimes for your own self. It's worst feeling. No one to blame but yourself. You are responsible for your life sometimes and you have to take onus of it somehow and in the end to calm yourself down after this realisation when you try to take a deep breathe you find your breathe too heavy...

Waasup?

Oh please!
I just don't know answer to this one question which is repeatedly asked by anyone I meet, talk or chat to!
Aur what's up?
Nothing is up!
Normal just like that, I have to say.
This question is really irritating me real time!
I don't know what to say coz I really don't know what is up with me these days. I'm at home post exams I don't have studies and due to unemployment I don't have any work too. I just do some time pass on computer and sleep and watch TV and sleep and read books and sleep and eat something and sleep that's it! :-P
What's there to tell about it!?
I'm at COMPLETE AARAM (Coz I'm doing CA!)
Phew! Hope now you got it wassup with me! :-\

Flaunting and flattering doesn't work always :-P

Remembered old days, came across a pic of mine and one of friend of GMCS, and the story behind it. I couldn't stop laughing after looking at that pic. :-D
It was traditional day and all the boys came dressed in Sherwani/Kurta sorts and girls in Saree!
It was a great struggle to wear Saree and travel in trains and auto, walk and climb stairs! But I succeeded along with all others! ;-)
During lunch break everyone was having photo session. GMCS was more of photo sessions and less of communication skills! ;-)
There was one boy in the class who was very mischievous, in fact the most mischievous person I've even see of 20's age group! :-P He was asking each and every girl for a personal pic with him and not the usual group pictures. After every click he seemed to be flaunting that no girl can deny me ever in front of his friends. I found it fishy! I was noticing him saying that to his friends. Soon my turn came to bring him down to earth from the sky where he was flying with his pride of being able to impress girls! ;-)
He came near me and I said, NO!
His jaws fell to earth and I just couldn't stop laughing looking him like that! He pretended to look sad, tried to flatter me but I was firm. At the end of the day after making him realise that he isn't hero, finally I called him and we got pic clicked together.
It was FUN!
I never did that to anyone but then there is always first, more so if anyone flaunt the joy of bringing him back to reality is awesome! ;-)
:-D

Moov day...

When Mom falls ill I'm the person incharge of things to be done at home. I'm not a person who don't know address of the kitchen, like few! But of course being involved in a course involving hard core time dedication to studies I don't know address of most of things in kitchen. I had to run between bedroom, where mom was resting, and kitchen to know what I should get from where. If I found mom in sleep I preferred search method. Opened almost all containers and found out my ingredients. It was enjoyable. Making food is an ART I believe. Thankfully my artistic work is liked by everyone and at the end of the day it inspires and satisfies you and becomes driving force to work next time.
Washing dishes and clothes is hard core laboured job. But I am happy that I can do everything with perfection though with slow speed due to lack of practice but that's okay. If I don't have studies at an opportunity cost I never mind giving my helping hand at household chores. Being woman I always know the importance of having knowledge of the basics of stuffs at least if not everything then! For men, things get dealt with somehow whether the leading lady is ill or not it doesn't affect them at all until they don't have any other lady to substitute temporarily. Lucky they are! May be or may be not! I always prefer being independent. I feel happy at the end of the day where I had done all my work on my own. During exams I had to depend for many things to save time but now I am back with the onus of doing my work on own and if possible help in general work too.
No work is small.
I believe it.

Everything said and done...
Lack of practice had given me back pain for doing all jobs. It's really a tough task but it's a nice way of workout! ;-)
Perception matters... B-)

2 Days post exam

I was sick, of nothing but really sick! On complete rest. Could hardly read nor was there anything interesting in TV to keep me up watching except todays, comedy nights with Kapil. There is no movie currently going on that I feel like watching. Just laying on bed/sofa and lazing is all I did 2 days. Met one friend. Talked to one and chatted with many. Few friends ran away from me! One to Mira Road and another more away, Rajasthan! I am missing their presence. I hope their respective responsible work get completed soon and they return back and we spend some time together. Have our girls handout, just like last time! ;-)
It was awesome. I'm waiting for that opportunity again! :-D

Today two parents came to ask me if I can teach their children who are in 12th, commerce. I never deny to help. So today evening passed in teaching Bills of Exchange and Goodwill treatment in Admission of Partner. Wow, old concepts coming back. I loved explaining them. I love teaching.
I have one more student of S.Y. B.com who always comes few days before exams. I use to it. But not his fault. He is more into cricket so he find less time to study. Whatever time he gets he studies days and nights and scores first class always. That's inspiring! B-)
Teaching is respectable profession.

So, for the time being I have this new job in hand, to teach 3-4 students all subjects. Meanwhile I'll find time to read my books too.
Lots of things to do and time is just flying...

Life after exams again! :-)

Finally exams are over today!
Relieved of studies and pressure more of and I hope for the last time too coz I don't want exams anymore and nor does this relief, simple! :-P
Confidence and positivity I'm seeking.
Now it's time to visit my to-do list which have list of things that I have listed to do after exams.
When did the list got so long I never noticed?! :O
It contains list of books that I've bought and kept for the day to come when I can read them all and that day is now!
Yeah...
Now my all time will be for my books, movies, TV serials, writing (undoubtedly), cooking, health, gaming, etc...

I want to start with some philosophical book. After reading CA philosophy and writing my own philosophies in exam I'm not yet in mood of changing the genre! :-P

And of course, I've to get back on Watsapp... which I had uninstalled for few months and people had asked me thousand times now that when I'll be returning? So it has to be now I guess. Don't have an excuse now to stay unconnected with them but it really worked right way to stay away from social networking while studying! You can really concentrate and not waste time unknowingly.
You have to work out things in your favour sometimes.
Chalo never mind I can now get connected back to my friends :-)
plan meets and movies and some trip too I hope! :-)

Lots of things in hand with lot many days too! :-)

Kaisa ye ISCA hai? Ajab sa RISK hai!

Even two days leave couldn't help much to many for answering this paper! No matter how much I study as soon as I close the book it's all blank and so was yesterday!
Few students couldn't survive more than an hour and decided to surrender. I never (touch wood) attempt anything of such sorts, walking off is not my forte. I prefer writing something whatever I can recollect rather than just give up! Though at some answers I pitied the checker who would be reading those answers!
Girl to my right was constantly staring at me when I was able to answer and I wanted to tell her, nazar mat laga yarr... :-\
Shocking was when a girl few seats ahead asked supplement!
:O
Few people could really understand ISCA too! o_O

One of my friend in previous attempt just missed her exemption by 2 marks. Sometimes luck is too cruel to us! :-C

Hoping to utilize two days leave for DT at least. I must learn from my past mistake! Only then can the regret be justified of wasting time before ISCA paper! :-(

ISCA I love to hate you! :-/
But hope not to have chance to ever think about you anymore ever! :-P

First inning completed, now second to go...

CA exams are most exhaustive ones I tell you and that too CA final!
After one week group 1 over, now second to go!

Don't you ever dare or even attempt to dare to think I'm going to ever discuss that how was my papers!
:-P

No... Never... :-\

All I'm focused at is giving exams, rest CA result day is best to judge how the exams were, all my attempts in CA have definitely taught me that.
All those who could ever have view of their results might have by now very well learnt of how views could be changed by CA results! :-D
Ok, enough of burai of my most lucrative carrier option! ;-)

Chartered Accountant!

Sapnon se bhare naina...

Bagiya Bagiya Balak Bhage
Tittli Phir Bhi Haath Na Lage
Is Pagle Ko Kaun Bataye
Dhoond Raha Hai Jo Tu Jag Mein
Koi Jo Paaye To
Maan Mein Hi Paaye

Sapno Se Bhare Naina
To Neend Hai Na Chaina

Aise Dagar Koi Agar Jo Apnaye
Har Raah Ke Woh Anat Pe
Rasta Hi Paaye

Dhoop Ka Rasta Jo Pair Jalaye
Mod To Aaye Chaau Na Aaye
Raahi Jo Chalta Hai Chalta Hi Jaaye
Koi Nahi Hai Jo Kahin Use Samjhaye

Sapno Se Bhare Naina
To Neend Hai Na Chaina

Door Se Hi Sagar Jise Har Koi Maane
Pani Hai Woh Ya Reth Hai Yeh Kaun Jaane
Jaise Ke Din Se Rain Alag Hai
Sukh Hai Alag Aur Chain Alag Hai
Per Jo Yeh Dekhe Woh Nain Alag Hai
Chain To Apna Sukh Hai Paraye

Sapno Se Bhare Naina
To Neend Hai Na Chaina

Yeh hosla...

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke

Manzil Muskil To Kya,
Bundla Sahil To Kya,
Tanha Ye Dil To Kya
Ho Hooo

Raah Pe Kante Bikhre Agar,
Uspe To Phir Bhi Chalna Hi Hai,
Sham Chhupale Suraj Magar,
Raat Ko Ek Din Dhalana Hi Hai,

Rut Ye Tal Jayegi,
Himmat Rang Layegi,
Subha Phir Aayegi
Hoooo

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke

Hogi Hame To Rehmat Ada,
Dhup Kategi Saaye Tale,
Apni Khuda Se Hai Ye Dua,
Manzil Lagale Humko Gale

Zurrat So Baar Rahe,
Uncha Ikraar Rahe,
Zinda Har Pyar Rahe
Hoooo

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke

One of my all time inspiring and motivating song!
Exams time means need inspiration from all sources possible and it's easiest, songs! ;-)

My house or a call centre?????

Since yesterday evening till today mid-night all the phones at home have been crying out like a child wanting attention irrespective of need and importance.
It has been ringing... ringing... and ringing... continuously... All of them... If someone's engaged then they try on all others... And everyone has been busy talking... talking... and talking...
Happy diwali... Happy diwali... Happy diwali... It's all about it...
Oh God! I've so many relatives, friends and cousins I never knew before...
Happy Realisation! Huh! I know... :-P
Finally, I surrendered my phone to family to attend it and give and take regards on my behalf too!
I never switch off my phone, how I wished if could today coz I wanted to concentrate on my revision!!!!
Tomorrow is exam!
OMG! The day has come...

I know that they were giving blessings only but even if I talk for 5mins with everyone the hours would just pass by!
Somehow managed this day!
Want to go underground till exams end with no connection and contact with the social world! Is it possible ever?
NEAH...
No use of thinking then...

CA final exams...

I too want to squeeze everything otta my brain into paper during exams.
But now I've to absorb everything to squeeze it properly. B-)

:-P

Till then I need to, Ratta maar Pressure cooker jaise sar ki baj jaye na seeti tab tak maar Ratta maar Ratta maar O Patak patak ke sar gira de Knowledge ki deewar ratta maar Ratta maar... Ratta maar.. Chadh jaaye jo bukhar coffee se tu utar Ghis ghis ke bheja kar le tez dhaar Ratta Maar... O bhool ja average chadh ja tu kitabo ke pahaad Sau baar Ratta Maar Tak pak tak pak brain ko dauda usko chabuk maar zordaar Ratta maar Dar ke milega kya, lega kya tu ukhad Gat gat ke pee ja.... Ratta Maar... At the end of day upar tere Latki hai performance ki talwar AIsi dariya hai Remember karle Jo doobe wohi hota hai paar Jo bhi aaye yahaan pe usko chance ek milti hai Har nazar ki yahaan pe socho Ek manzil hi hai Mauqa mile toh khona nahi Yeh aaayga naa baar baar Dhakka maar zara zor se Zara dheere se... Dhakka Maar.. Ho maar le ratta ho ja (100% taiyyar) Na chhod kasar tu koi Chal maar le baazi maar Hai ek hi solution teri mushqil ka yaar ratta maar Ratta maar...

Adieu...

With the each movement of the seconds hand of the clock, the time of exam is coming nearer... I am only left with 9days more days to start with my exams on 5th November, 2013, CA final.
All my days, hours, seconds, nano seconds are dedicated to my studies or related to that... like just now am talking about studies-exams, similarly!

Hence, I thought I would formally take a leave from the Blogging world for 25days than not post anything in any assumption...

Will be right back with my thoughts and actions and of course my SEARCH after 21st November, 2013!

Till then take care of yourselves, have a blasting (doesn't mean crackers blast but cheerful, happy and rocking), safe and prosperous Diwali.
Enjoy yourselves and your beautiful LIFE!

AIDEU!

Absentmindedness

My oxford dictionary says it's, preoccupation so great that the ordinary demands on attention are ignored...

Hmmm...
That's why when I'm preoccupied with any thought the ordinary demand of attention that my book demands and if I couldn't give then despite my eyes have read an answer for 10th time still my brain fails to register it and there remains no difference whether I read it or not...

Peace of mind and focus is key component to understand and keep things inside our brain...
No, actually to keep things reach the brain...