I always try and understand my friends. Yesterday I and Babbu were chatting. In between she stopped replying. I waited and waited but she didn't reply. Finally I decided to not message again asking for reply.
Today morning I got message, Hey, I had slept yesterday... (grin smiley!)
I replied, It's okay! :-) I can understand... :-P
And I got stunning reply, I want a husband like you! :-*
After recovering from shock I replied, You will, very soon! :-P
Not SOON! I received in answer.
Day before yesterday, the news broke to me when I visited www.icai.org that CA final results are on 15th January, 2014. Indeed I was in shock, for expected date was around 20th Jan. Just 5 days remaining for the verdict, I counted!
I didn't purposely think about it but still my subconscious was processing something. It took toll on me and my head started aching and I started feeling sick. I felt depressed. Didn't talk to anyone for 2 days, did not message anyone, didn't eat properly, didn't watch my favourite TV show which I never miss, didn't talk on phone, didn't go to walk, didn't go out with friends, didn't listened any song, didn't watch any movie. I hated everything around me. I wanted to be alone.
When in depression, I don't know about others, but usually I feel very sick and sleepy. I literally sleep days and nights together. My family is now use to with this behavior of mine. Two days everyone entertained my strange behavior and along with them I too worried how days will pass by like this?
Today morning I woke up at 8! I missed my morning walk like past 2 days. I didn't do breakfast. I got news that our maid will not be coming, so I had to help Mom with cleaning thing. I decided to complete work early in morning. Thankfully my headache was gone, after all I slept for 2days and nights. I worked and worked. I cleaned everything and every corner of house. I did extra cleaning too, I washed all clothes, I cleaned cabinets, I dusted all furniture, I cleaned windows, etc...
In the end I was tired and decided to eat something. Mom was impressed by my work and she blessed me that may I get positive result this time and I become CA! And I told Mom, that indeed I am going to clear it this time and that is why I worked so hard today coz after I become CA I'll be too busy with my job that I might not find time to help you at household chores.
Mom smiled at me. :-)
Suddenly all anxiety and nervousness ceased and I told to myself that I have to keep my positivity intact. I had kept myself positive in so tough times, during my studies and exams too but real test is now. I've to keep myself positive and hence each second I've to think positively and have confidence in myself and faith in GOD!
Now I'm no more tense about what'll happen and what not. All I know is, it'll happen best way for me...
Like always, this time too, there is best in stores for me! :-)
A friend, a CA, returned back from Tanzania today, where he had found employment but due to some reasons couldn't sustain more than 6 months and returned back to India. Though I was already against him going to the foreign country for full time employment but of course it's his life and he had to decide what he have to do and he decided to go but while returning he of course was worried of facing me. I've always given my frank opinion to my friends. As we all do, we never leave any chance to taunt our friends on their silly mistakes, so do I but this time I had decided to not speak anything on this matter. My family too was confident that I would say him something on this. To everyones surprise I said nothing but I didn't know to keep me impressed I would get lots of chocolates and a very delight and nice coffee pack. Bribing me! Sometimes it definitely works. ;-)
Never mind, he did not know I was not to say anything to him but I decided to let him be happy thinking his bribery worked on me.
Life is about trial and errors. We take risk and decide upon something to do. All decisions not necessary may always be right but those who stand with you even when you take wrong decisions are called true friends after all, isn't it? :-)
Today when I was just thinking, I felt that how restricted my vision was in past and it still is, even now! Not that am not happy with what I did or doing but still I must admit I never thought out-of-the-box, ever! I always considered having an academic life, hardly showed any interest in extra-curriculum, hardly participated in annual functions during schools, in fact never attended one post 5th std, never believed into making carrier in sports, acting, writing, social or civil services, etc. Never... Not that by birth I wanted to be CA, but I knew it's a reputed and secure carrier option and hence always preferred it and loved it and still proud of it too! One thing is sure that it takes guts to chose a carrier in fields of media, publishing, social services, army, entertainment or even homemaker, many more... (for time being can remember only these)
I salute all those people who could ever listen to their inner voice, who could know what they have to do in life, who know what they want from life, who could focus on their core interest and believe into their dream, who could make their dream come true, who have strength to flow against the current, who decide to make their own path, who does what they feel like doing what makes them happy...
They are the ones living their life with worth and their life is worth living too!
Grudge and regret you do sometimes have in your heart, if not always for others but sometimes for your own self. It's worst feeling. No one to blame but yourself. You are responsible for your life sometimes and you have to take onus of it somehow and in the end to calm yourself down after this realisation when you try to take a deep breathe you find your breathe too heavy...
It's an old story which I remembered today while remembering my friend, Amu...
I was at Sara's place, only me, Sara and her Mom. Sara had call from Amu, she was to come to her place too. Sara went to pick her up, on scooty. Sara's mom left me alone and went to neighbours, I was alone watching TV when Sara left.
After few minutes, all of sudden guests started coming in and the whole living-room was filled with people. I was alone and almost unknown to those relatives, I shifted a bit in nervousness. Thankfully Sara's mom came in last from the neighbours. I decided to hand over the remote of TV to them if they would be willing to watch some local language channel but everyone agreed humbly to watch what I was watching since a long. Without looking at anyone I was watching TV, others were talking in their Tullu language, which I obviously don't understand.
Suddenly, door opened and there emerged Amu and without any notice to the living-room she very openly and loudly announced her appearance as, HELLO EVERYONE! Suddenly everyone looked in her direction leaving their conversation in half. I was wondering whether she knows all relatives of Sara!? That she was greeting everyone like this. But soon my doubt was cleared when no one answered anything and Amu too felt weird about it. Sara came from back of Amu and looking at everyone and what Amu did I and Sara started laughing uncontrollably! Amu had thought that only I'm at house so she was carefree but unknowingly she ended up doing such a scene.
For the rest of half an hour Sara and I enjoyed this moment...
:-D
Never regret what you've done and never do anything that you'll ever regret.
One of my cousin, who met me last year for the first time at one of another cousins marriage and we shared our contact. Like whole world around me, he too is on Watsapp. He always starts interviewing me and bombard with all sort of interrogations. I've myself hardly noticed what's my favourite color, food, place, subject, TV show, movie, etc etc but when he asks I've to answer it as I can't ignore him. Otherwise I've created record in avoiding unknown messengers, but he is family so I had to entertain, though only upto a limit I can! I think and answer. But all of sudden, a weird question came up today and it was, don't you have a boyfriend? More than being shocked for this question I was laughing, it sounded funny. Rather than answering I kept smiling for few mins looking at the question. Finally I typed, what's reality and that is NO!
I wondered what he might have thought of me that me being a girl from Mumbai, big city it's deemed that I would be in relationship! Even if it would be fake one but still it's kinda in fashion these days to employ yourself a boyfriend or a girlfriend. If you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend then you're not cool, isn't it? Well don't know... Never pondered much about it. I have male friends but good that they're just friends and nothing more coz I liked it that way and happy that it remained so. Of course future can always be different and surprising but I have my own choices and preferences and it would be difficult for someone to fit into it! :-P
As for I don't believe in messaging unknowns and somehow just chatting with them and then you end up meeting and blah blah... It's all crap... I believe into only talking and sharing with people whom I know very personally, whom I've seen in real, talked in real. That's the way I like it to be. I've heard people being friends on some social networking sites and then they share their contact and along with chatting, they start talking and may be even meet but then either of one shows true picture and the whole think come out to be fake and baseless and other end up being hurt. What rubbish! I hate all such things and whether hurt or whatever I never except unknown calls, never reply messages from unknowns, block people on Watsapp who message me but whom I don't know, yes I've done that! It's better to avoid any fake things before it starts than waste your time. Life is too short to waste behind trying to know someone whom you never knew! There are many people in my life whom I know and I'm happy that they're in my life and I would love to find time to maintain my relationship with them rather than go for some fake ones.
For fun I can't imagine of getting in relationship with someone. As I always say, NO relationship is better than BAD relationship!
I'm happy SINGLE. Very happy in fact! :-)
Everything has it's right time in your Life and when that time comes you do end up being into it and enjoy that new experience. Till then enjoy present and hope best for the future! :-)
P. S. Try to find real happiness rather than get trapped into fiction world. It could be dangerous sometimes. Social networks are to be in touch with those whom you knew but are away from you. So stay in touch with your loved ones and make better use of technology.
Not always there will be someone with you. They might come with implication that they'll remain forever with us in this journey but due to their own constraints they might not fulfill this implied promise. But I've now learnt to walk alone on my ways on fulfillment of my dreams! After all it's my path, it's a test whether I can do it all alone or not!
Well... I think I CAN!
I was blessed that someone accompanied me, for few moment though, but now I've to continue my path alone, hoping sometime later someone or same one will again come to my company. Till then... I'm moving ahead without any complaints from anyone but happily towards my path.. my journey...
Happy Realisation!
Hmmm... not actually...
2 days I've been lost... lost in dreams... of???? no no... not of, but in... in real dreams... coz I was sleeping either literally or mentally...
On 31st I had night-out with my friends to Sara's house. We all were there myself, Sara of course, Ammu, Babbu, Vrushi, Prati, Suppi. We played games, danced, sang, ate, again danced, played games, lastly had lots of chit-chats through TRUTH OR DARE?! Since we didn't had any dare, it was all about truth! :-P
In all this the clock showed it's hands on 5am. Still there were few sleepless including me but I had to wake up at 7am hence tried to sleep. With 2hrs of sleep I could sleep next day at 4pm for 2hrs again... it was enjoyable party but tiring too and this way we said good-bye to 2013 happily, may his soul RIP!
