Well, in short and clear way I mean to say that I've failed in my CA final exams. This was my first attempt. Every CA student must have heard the importance of being a first attempt chartered from someone or other. I'm hoping that it might be having some relevance as well. But, I'm not, I could not be called as a first attempt Chartered. Indeed, one day I'll be a CA, no doubt.
Haan, you feel bad. Ney, you feel worst!:( It was dream and has remained unfulfilled. Yes, not all dreams could become reality, but at least some? You question your fate. You don't really understand where things went wrong? You don't find answer to the questions, why not me? You cry, you get frustrated, irritated, emotionally imbalanced. Your dreams have shattered, your parents expectations from you have shattered. Not only you failed but more than this, many have still cleared hit you. Some cleared at least a group, some with at least an exemption, some with dot 400, some good performance, few with a rank. Wow! They are proud of themselves, their parents are proud of them, their family, relatives and friends are proud of them. But you, you are still there, from where you started few months back. Nothing seems to have changed in spite of the hard work, dedication, sincerity, sleepless nights spent studying, you struggled hard to avoid any kind of distraction, but ultimately everything went in vain. Nothing could save you. All those things that you did wrong in PCC and tried to correct in final still results got no improvements to show that struggle.
You will have to start again from scratch! Same things again, same books, same concepts, same topics, same sums, same you, same days and nights full of studies and only studies. Sometimes you control your emotions so that your parents don't feel more bad about it but then some thing goes wrong and you burst out with that small reason, with inner feeling of failure. Your parents too avoid to bring any topic to you that could make you feel bad but still action speaks louder than voice and those eyes, in them you can see the emotions, the moist clearly visible, the evidence of they being sad about the fact that your hard work could not bloom. All this has to hit you no matter how hard you try to control.
Few messages, phone calls also make you feel irritable asking about those things again and again. You don't find courage to ask friends their score. You log in fb knowing surely to get what you are searching for. Yes, everyone cleared has boldly written their victory words on their walls. Their are many comments congratulating them, many more likes. You feel good for them even wanna write something but fingers don't support you, you want to hit at least a like but then you feel more dislike for your failure. You are now more sad. No, not because they have cleared but because you could not. Not always 3 idiots theory applies, that when friend fails you feel Bad but when friend tops you feel more bad. Rubbish! Not agreeable. You feel good for them but your own failure impacts more and make you sad. Their dreams are fulfilled give you happiness but your shattered give more sadness. Not in comparison but in individuality. You wish if you would have also been amongst them, celebrating, happy!
Everyone is thanking God for their success. But you can't, but why God only gets credit for success and not for failure? Even those who fail have studied, prayed, isn't it? But you can't say, thank you god, the almighty for failing me. You can't! Does that mean that like humans even God is with you in your good days? I don't know! Nothing against God but just a thought. Question grow from inside. Never mind, some day will be mine where my success will also be followed with Gods grace on me. Some day even I'll be celebrating my success. Only clearing CA in first attempt doesn't define their success story and doesn't take away mine. May be I'm not yet polished to shine like a diamond and need more time and efforts to prove my worth and understand the worth of the degree for which I'm greedy.
There was singing reality show going on and they were giving shradhanjali to Rajesh Khanna for his contribution to Indian cinema. And I thought, this is real success. That you are being remembered for your kindness and great work after you are gone forever. Success is this and not only in clearing CA in first attempt but also in doing your job with pure and hard efforts throughout the rest of life. Success is when people remember you for your good deeds, for your good nature, etc... Definitions could be customized. Some may think you are fool to fail, you didn't worked hard to pass out, you are the dumb who some how cleared your PCC, again in 3 attempts then how can you clear final which is more tough in one, some may conclude that you didn't actually had that fire in you to get through it at once but their may be some who may have faith in you that one day you'll be none less than those smartest people out their. My naked eyes have seen people giving 7-8 or even more attempts and clearing and are in same position in same company with same pay! See, there is no difference! Just the difference of how strongly you could stand back on your feets and again try to walk. Not always you will find support but will have to hold yourself on your own will power. Though it would be the difficult part to start back again, to come back to reality that your efforts have not lead you to your destination and you still need more energy to work more harder and get what you aim to. More than the no of people clear there are people who fail. But they still keep trying and so is it that you too have to do. Getting sympathy is not the solution. Accepting the reality could only help. The need to start back soon possible and avoid making mistakes that you did last time.
Right time will give right occasions to celebrate, till then be strong. Don't let only others inspire you be your own inspiration and motivation, it'll last forever...
Haan, you feel bad. Ney, you feel worst!:( It was dream and has remained unfulfilled. Yes, not all dreams could become reality, but at least some? You question your fate. You don't really understand where things went wrong? You don't find answer to the questions, why not me? You cry, you get frustrated, irritated, emotionally imbalanced. Your dreams have shattered, your parents expectations from you have shattered. Not only you failed but more than this, many have still cleared hit you. Some cleared at least a group, some with at least an exemption, some with dot 400, some good performance, few with a rank. Wow! They are proud of themselves, their parents are proud of them, their family, relatives and friends are proud of them. But you, you are still there, from where you started few months back. Nothing seems to have changed in spite of the hard work, dedication, sincerity, sleepless nights spent studying, you struggled hard to avoid any kind of distraction, but ultimately everything went in vain. Nothing could save you. All those things that you did wrong in PCC and tried to correct in final still results got no improvements to show that struggle.
You will have to start again from scratch! Same things again, same books, same concepts, same topics, same sums, same you, same days and nights full of studies and only studies. Sometimes you control your emotions so that your parents don't feel more bad about it but then some thing goes wrong and you burst out with that small reason, with inner feeling of failure. Your parents too avoid to bring any topic to you that could make you feel bad but still action speaks louder than voice and those eyes, in them you can see the emotions, the moist clearly visible, the evidence of they being sad about the fact that your hard work could not bloom. All this has to hit you no matter how hard you try to control.
Few messages, phone calls also make you feel irritable asking about those things again and again. You don't find courage to ask friends their score. You log in fb knowing surely to get what you are searching for. Yes, everyone cleared has boldly written their victory words on their walls. Their are many comments congratulating them, many more likes. You feel good for them even wanna write something but fingers don't support you, you want to hit at least a like but then you feel more dislike for your failure. You are now more sad. No, not because they have cleared but because you could not. Not always 3 idiots theory applies, that when friend fails you feel Bad but when friend tops you feel more bad. Rubbish! Not agreeable. You feel good for them but your own failure impacts more and make you sad. Their dreams are fulfilled give you happiness but your shattered give more sadness. Not in comparison but in individuality. You wish if you would have also been amongst them, celebrating, happy!
Everyone is thanking God for their success. But you can't, but why God only gets credit for success and not for failure? Even those who fail have studied, prayed, isn't it? But you can't say, thank you god, the almighty for failing me. You can't! Does that mean that like humans even God is with you in your good days? I don't know! Nothing against God but just a thought. Question grow from inside. Never mind, some day will be mine where my success will also be followed with Gods grace on me. Some day even I'll be celebrating my success. Only clearing CA in first attempt doesn't define their success story and doesn't take away mine. May be I'm not yet polished to shine like a diamond and need more time and efforts to prove my worth and understand the worth of the degree for which I'm greedy.
There was singing reality show going on and they were giving shradhanjali to Rajesh Khanna for his contribution to Indian cinema. And I thought, this is real success. That you are being remembered for your kindness and great work after you are gone forever. Success is this and not only in clearing CA in first attempt but also in doing your job with pure and hard efforts throughout the rest of life. Success is when people remember you for your good deeds, for your good nature, etc... Definitions could be customized. Some may think you are fool to fail, you didn't worked hard to pass out, you are the dumb who some how cleared your PCC, again in 3 attempts then how can you clear final which is more tough in one, some may conclude that you didn't actually had that fire in you to get through it at once but their may be some who may have faith in you that one day you'll be none less than those smartest people out their. My naked eyes have seen people giving 7-8 or even more attempts and clearing and are in same position in same company with same pay! See, there is no difference! Just the difference of how strongly you could stand back on your feets and again try to walk. Not always you will find support but will have to hold yourself on your own will power. Though it would be the difficult part to start back again, to come back to reality that your efforts have not lead you to your destination and you still need more energy to work more harder and get what you aim to. More than the no of people clear there are people who fail. But they still keep trying and so is it that you too have to do. Getting sympathy is not the solution. Accepting the reality could only help. The need to start back soon possible and avoid making mistakes that you did last time.
Right time will give right occasions to celebrate, till then be strong. Don't let only others inspire you be your own inspiration and motivation, it'll last forever...
